So I went to the website. It told me I had to fill out this really long personality profile.
So I logged off the internet and went downstairs and watched Glee. Whatever, I'm pretty sure I can meet someone during one of my fits of road rage. It'll be fine.
My co-workers pointed out that I am not at my best at 0500 in morning traffic. So I went back online and filled out my personality profile. It told me I was 12% done and it wanted me to list my "passions..." So I listed how I'm "passionate about how I tend to hate other drivers. It told me to list some facts about what I wanted my potential matches to know about me. (Obviously, they didn't read my personality profile!!)
So I wrote about how I currently have 5 cats, 4 dogs, a parrot and 12 chickens in my home in Ashtuky, northern virginia and how I have been offered an exciting opportunity to interview for a television appearance on the show Animal Hoarders!!!
It told me I was 23% done.
WTF!? This is worse than the damn foreign service exam! So I logged off and went downstairs to watch the Biggest Loser (God that show is addicting! The really sad part is that I always want a snack when I watch it!! Is that wrong?)
The worker nazis sent me back to the website to "just finish it already!" and it was suggested that I not be flippant because not everyone will "get me' -- So I added JUST KIDDING! to it. Then it made me attach photos. Note to self: hire someone to be my photo double. This shit's humiliating.
So I hunkered down and after a mere 5 hours later, I was up and running and was delivered my matches!! I KNOW! RIGHT!?! It's very exciting!!! These people were hand selected by a random computer to be totally in line with my personality.
(Do you think it matters that I put down that I really loved helping others and was actively involved in the community, a people person who is also actively involved in environmental conservation??? -- Well, I DID watch that one NatGeo special where the polar bear was swimming trying to find another piece of ice and the narrator told me that I was killing the polar bears which made me feel really bad - so I always make sure I turn the lights off now. That counts. Right?)
SO ANYWAY, I open up my first match....says the dude is from Leesburg, VA (which is not that far!! So I'm all...hey! I could potentially think about one day traveling to leesburg...One problem though: the guy's picture is a LITTLE bit scary. He kinda has this creepy smile and he's all leaning to one side. BUT, (because I'm such a good person) I tell myself not to just judge by the photo....and I scroll down....
|Kids at Home:||Yes|
I typically spend my leisure time: Getting naked and taking deep, calming breaths.
SWEET MARY MOTHER OF GOD!!!
So now I'm spending MY DAMN LEISURE TIME taking deep calming breaths and freaked out that the damn clown is going to find me!!!!
SERIOUSLY!? A clown -- who everybody knows is a godless killing machine -- is my perfect match??? That's my option?!
I'm TERRIFIED of effin clowns!!! -- It's probably because they tend to kill people - random people - people who don't even want to see any clowns. I'm pretty sure a clown killed my neighbor when I was young. Although she might have moved to Iowa, but I never heard from her again; obviously clowns got her.
I'm going to rethink my initial 5 cats, 8 dogs and 12 chickens option. It seems better somehow.